Black

Dedicated to my sistah friend, T. Hawkins. T, this past summer you opened up and shared your heart breaking story with me while we stood in the bowels of your driveway on that hot summer day. As you spoke, I noticed you periodically held back tears of understandable sorrow. I began to experience how you must have felt having to live through your unfair judgment. I'm sure you never thought I'd pen this piece did you? Contrary to popular belief, I do pay attention! This is one woman's meager attempt at trying to change at least one person's views while we live in this mean old world of ours. I felt your pain—and made it mine! Wish me luck my old friend.!!

Recently, I had the pleasure of having a conversation with a long-time friend of mine who graciously shared with me some of the nonsensical abuse she was forced to suffer while growing up as a result of being born dark-skinned. Or real "black" as most would define her, African Americans included.

Tell me. Why has the color "black" been associated with malevolence and wickedness? How is one to ingest being discriminated against not only by those of other ethnic groups but by your own kind? Being ridiculed just because you were born a shade or two darker than someone else is preposterous!! I can't even imagine having to endure such.

Al Sharpton can you help a sistah out on this one? And where on earth is Jessie Jackson when one needs him? Some body plaheeeze offer some resolution on this one cause I'm about to loose control!!!! Oh me oh my and Lawd have mercy!!

Now I've never been one to talk or even remotely discuss the "color" issue that may or may not exist in America, but I just had to make a meager attempt at "giving voice" on this one.

First let's see some variations of the word "black" that will undoubtedly paint a pessimistic illustration in your mind, shall we?

Everyone and their mama knows black always represented death. The ancient Egyptians and Romans used black for mourning, as do most Europeans and Americans today. Go to a wake or funeral. Tell me you don't see most of the mourners ornamented in black. The "Black shirts" were the security troops in Hitler's German army, also known as the S.S. Black humor is considered morbid or unhealthy and gloomy humor. Most people refer to a "Black hearted" person as evil. There's a blacklist, blackguard, black lung, blackmail, black-market, black sheep and the new favorite amongst African Americans today. Blacking out. (This is what usually happens when an African American gets really angry and verbally mouth off). I'm sure you've gotten my point thus far right?

Where is the thread that refers to the word "black" reversing it from a negative to a positive? I'm sure there must be one good definition of "black" out there somewhere. One positive word to add?

Well whaddaya know? "Hush your mouth! Black" can imply elegance! Who knew? If a business is "in the black," isn't that business making mucho dinero (much money)? Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't "black" normally associated with sophistication and elegance? Such as a "black tie" event. That's still a Formal occasion right? Is that not a good affair regardless that the attire is "black"? A "black" belt in karate identifies an expert. I'm on a roll now so watch out! Black is beautiful! Tell me 'bout "black gold", "jet black sand", or a chic "black tie". Shoot, when I was growing up I was raised to believe "the blacker the berry births the sweetest juice" or, "once you go black ya never go back." (And NO I'm not gonna even elaborate further on the latter!!!).

Black also stands for virtues of constancy, prudence and wisdom. It also has positive meanings of purity, binding, repelling, remembrance and protection. "Black" means absorbing all light, without reflecting any of its rays. How many of us prefer to wear the color "black" because we believe it gives us a slimmer appearance? That's a good thing for most.

Despite the color blacks many negative associations, in Heraldry (Definition of Heraldry quoted from http://www.achievements.co.uk/articles/heraldry.html as follows):

Look around you: heraldry abounds in this country, beautifying cathedrals and churches, monuments of the famous and of country squires. . .. Find the family chapel and heraldry appears in carved and illuminated ceilings and on tombs; everywhere there will be symbolic icons of the ancestry, of pride in the family tree. . . In a library there will be heraldic book stamps in gold leaf on favorite family books).

I think it's time we stop allowing the beliefs of yesteryear to dictate how we live our lives and view others in the years to come. There are beautiful dark skinned black people in this world just as there are beautiful people of any other color. The color of our skin is not even a pathway to the depths of our soul!

We must learn to judge others based upon their own individual accord. If I'm nice to you, I expect reciprocity. I don’t care if you're yellow, red or the blackest black! You think if I met a man who treated me like a queen and kissed the ground I trampled on that I'd bias him just because he was a darker shade of "black" than I? Yeah, right-I'll let you tell it!

If that be the case then somebody had better put Morris Chestnut, Mekhi Phifer, Ving Rhimes, Tracey Chapman, Louis Armstrong, Richard Roundtree, the singer Joe, Wesley Snipes, Sidney Poitier, Tyreese and a host of other successful, socially accepted, gorgeous and yes, dark skinned black African Americans in the know.

In closing, I'm not sure it it's an unfortunate or not but we have no choice whom our parents or family members will be. Just like we cannot choose our hair or eye color. Nor can we decide the intensity of the color of our skin. So why should a person be forced to endure ridicule just because they are ……………"darker" than another?

Someone once told me, "Ignorance was bliss". Whatchu say?!!
You know what? I'm so angry I don’t know what to do. I can no longer think! I'm so ashamed of society right now!!

The last time I was checked on this, it still was 2007 right? Not 1960. When is a change gonna come? Humph.

What? Take your time. I'll wait.........

(c) 2007 by C.V. Harris. All Rights Reserved.

Fake

I want to be in love. Period. I want a man to love me deeply, intensely. I want this man to be as much in love with me as I am with him. Heck maybe even a little bit more in love with me than I am with him. Is that lopsided and so wrong? I know that sounds cliché being a woman and all, but today? Right now? Having that special person in love with me? Is where I wanna be. I mean really in love with me. Being in love with me to the point of my guy not even wanting to make love to another woman, only wanting to share himself with solely me. I want to have that great relationship before I die. Just one GREAT one…..just one'll do.

Most people will tell you that if you find a love like that, it only exists having met your mate right outta high school or if the two of you grew up together, otherwise, it just ain't happening. Is it safe to assume if I meet a man, say today or tomorrow, the prospect of him loving the carbon monoxide outta me is a pipe dream? An improbable desire?

As I think back retrospectively, I don't think I've experienced that type of love in a long, long, long time. And I'm starting to wonder….does it still exist? Has society and human values changed so much that the quest for finding a "meaningful" love coupled with an over abundance of fidelity hyped? Puffed-up? Fictional? Or imaginary even? If so, what in the world? Who knew? Surely not me.

Dating is a new thingy to me. I’m living on my own for the first time in my entire life! All alone! And it's a real big deal to me for sure. From reviewing my coupling experiences throughout the years, I've learned a few things about myself. One thing in particular is that I don't really know how to date. Having not the need to do this "dating" thing in the past because whenever I met someone and the attraction being mutual, we usually wound up being exclusive hence, a relationship began. But I fall short every now and again trying to learn the ropes of this dating commotion, which I hate by the way. Nonetheless, with the help of friends and a few family members I'm beginning to get the hang of it. (It's a rat-race out there---yikes!!) I must admit, sometimes I'm not the brightest light on the tree! Sue me.

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Things

I’m a proponent of not taking "people" or "things" for granted. Of course, I wasn't always this way, but as we get older and begin to mellow within our own skin, we get secure with who we have become, we become so very conscious of time, places, people and "things".

However, I don't know what the issue has been with me lately, or if what I'm experiencing is even an "issue" at all. Nonetheless, I'm becoming even more conscientious of a few of these "things" and my environment on the regular. But not meticulous in the normal sense like one would be if a stranger's leg touched yours. Or if a person sat down next to you while commuting who emitted a foul odor causing you to give them….."the glance." And you all know …."the glance" we give to a person when something about them just-ain't-right. So don't go acting like it's just me who passes off ….."the glance."

What I'm talking about is giving thought, real thought to the abstract things in life. The "things" that make life worth living. The "things" that punctuate life and make it consequential. Some of these "things" are so abstract, so untouchable and so elusive, that we rarely even give em the mere inkling of mental consideration they deserve at all. But these "things" are unavoidably interspersed amongst each of us everyday, and yet, we are blinded to the benefit of them.

We get caught up in insignificant crap ya know? The stuff that seems important to us at the time, but in retrospect, we realize it's not really important at all. Stuff like, what man is going to try to "mack" on some woman? Or what woman is trying to "get over" on some man? Who's sleeping with whom? Or who's eyeballing your man or woman? But if we were to live without the significant "things" in our lives, unfortunately, life as we know it would be almost non-existent, or overall meaningless.

I received an email from a dear friend of mine last week. And after reading it, boy was I moved! So enthused was I about this email that I mentally took it with me during my subsequent train rides home during the week. I even gave further deliberation to it again before going to bed, and I was so surprisingly stirred by it that I decided to pen this piece!

Dontcha think it amazing how we go about our daily existence never thinking in terms of the "abstracts" that have the power to improve us? Life and its wondrous intangibles can make our subsistence momentous—all we have to do is pay attention! If you don't have some of these obscure "things" that boost the core of who you are, then you need to make some serious adjustments to guarantee before you meet your Maker, that you have gained the benefit of these obscurities with all their wraithlike consequences, lock, stock and barrel!!

Usually, my stories are long. But this time, I'm going to allow the text of this particular email to bring forth an introspective thought process within you dear reader as opposed to my words doing same. With any luck, after reading the words from this email I received, you'll be prompted to do some personal assessment and begin to live life anew, if you haven't already.

The following is the main focus from the email that I received: I take no credit for the context.

Three things in life once gone, never come back: Time, words and opportunity;
Three things in life that one should always have: Hope, peace and honesty;
Three things in life that are most valuable: Love, friends, and self-confidence'
Three things in life that are never certain: Success, dreams and fortune;
Three things in life that make a good person: Sincerity, hard work and compassion;
Three things in life that can destroy a person: Pride, greed and anger;
Three things in life that are truly constant: FATHER, SON and the HOLY GHOST!

Nuff said! Now run tell that!!!

(c) 2007 by C.V. Harris. All rights reserved.

Time

I witness all types of behaviors, incidences, and actions on the regular all the time. And I mean "all-the-time". Usually when I see an action or hear a word or phrase that forces my eyebrows to rise, I give pause reflecting upon how I could or would have done the same thing, perhaps with a distinctive twist. Often I wonder if I would have even allowed myself to even get in a similar circumstance from the outset.

Most people think since I am a published author, they also naively believe that I write about everything that happens to me. Well truth be told, I don’t. Contrary to popular belief, I do enjoy some privacy, and I don't share all of my personal business with you, my dear reader. I just give my readers enough background information to keep them interested. That's what writers do don't they? In my opinion, the key to writing well is being able to hold the interest of the reader. (I'm still in the classroom when it comes to that one but that in and of itself is an entirely different story). However, when I do write, I get the urge like one would have when you're instantly thirsty. You know that feeling right? You're sitting in front of your boob tube then all of a sudden your throat becomes persistently parched. You can't ignore that feeling for sure. Hence, you make a mad dash to the kitchen to quench that thirst monster dontcha? Sure ya do!

What usually prompts me to write articles that are, let's say, more moving than others, is plain ol' unadulterated human nature and people, of course. Heck, I've sat for hours in the depths of New York City and "people watched" for hours. There's nothing like it believe me. What people say to me, how they treat and react to me, or even things I may or may not do, remain in a class by its lonesome. People and their human nature intrigue me to the fullest. Doesn't mean I always agree or disagree for that matter with the shocking and extraordinary activities I see and hear all the time, but "watching" and I guess "listening", feeds my hungry for another reason to write. I enjoy putting pen to paper encouraging the person reading to ponder on a deeper level what they've read. After reading what I've written who knows? Maybe they're shocked, hurt, and angry or prompted to become an introspective observer like I normally am. And for this reason, and this reason only, I've penned…Time:

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ASK C. V.

Name withheld, Nashville, TN

Do you ever get concerned knowing co-workers and acquaintances who may have read your book now know some of your deepest and personal past experiences? How do you handle it when one of your co-workers begins to treat you differently based upon what they've read about you in "Stubborn Stains"?

C.V. RESPONDS:

I don't believe I've ever been asked that question before. So excuse me while I mull over an appropriate answer…………..Ahem! Okay here goes:

No I don't get concerned if co-workers, acquaintances or anyone else are enlightened to some of the sobering incidents surrounding my past. I guess if I did, I never would have written my book! I'm not ashamed of who I was nor who I've become as a result of yesteryear. I know I am stronger mentally and a better person as a result. Due to the liberal amount of wisdom that I've gained throughout the years, I have no need to prove myself or seek an endorsement from anyone based upon decisions that I make. Come to think of it, due to my past, today I have broader shoulders which allow me to cope with repercussions that are coupled with my decision making. Before the fruition of "Stubborn Stains", and even prior to titling it, I battled with "should I expose this?", or "should I tell that?" I decided if I was going to open up about even a portion of my very-sensitive-experiences, that I should be as upfront as possible (I still never recounted any situation in its entirety in my book, just enough actual details in order to paint as vivid a picture as possible to my readers), and recount the circumstances "as-they-happened in earnest". I believed it to be unfair to my readers if I fabricated a tale or left out important definitive information. I wanted to show my readers that they too can overcome dreadful situations believing them to be impossible otherwise. "Stubborn Stains" has been empowering to an assortment of people from an array of lifestyles. My trials in my book have given many courage to regroup and tackle their demon head-on. I practice writing the same way that I normally speak. Hence, I want my true persona to introduce itself to the reader from my words. (Those who know me, or who've met me, can attest that I really do write the way I normally talk.). Further, I continually want my readers to know that I am just as human as they are. I struggle with "trying-to-get-this-thing-called-life-and-this-relationship-business" right just like the next person. Only difference is…I happened to have authored a book!

To answer your second question: I've experienced bias behavior and fake attitudes multiple times already. To be quite honest, I expect it and can usually feel it coming my way. My most recent brush with ignorance happened to me while at my last job working in New York City. But I ignored it. It reaffirmed to me that "simpleness" is ageless!! Unless someone steps to me directly, then their negative behavior is just that, their negative behavior and also their problem. I try everyday to encircle myself with genuinelly "real" people. I don’t even want you in my airspace if your intentions are counterfeit. I don’t have time for it! In essence, I look at it this way, if sharing my past bothers you to the point that you feel it necessary to interface with me differently because I wrote a book and took it upon myself to let somebody in on "my personal business", then so be it. You've done me a huge favor by "cutting me off." To the naysayer's let me say, Thank you! However, I am still content with "myself" and I remain blessed! Yay!!!!!!!!

Excellent question "Name Withheld" and to you, I offer …..gratitude for your very introspective question.

Bankrupt

It's amazing how people walk around today appearing normal on the outside yet, on the inside they are a sack of emotional dysfunction disturbingly screwed up and withered. What's worse, they don't even realize how jacked up they really are!

By my own admission, I know I have emotional homework to do. I not only have pop quizzes, I also have lengthy exams to finish and a Thesis that was due yesteryear!!

A friend I've know for years once remarked to me "I wouldn't tell some of my friends to read what you write because I'd be too embarrassed. You don't practice what you write".

Whew! I didn’t know how to take that remark. Should I have felt insulted? Or believe her criticism to be constructive?

Listen up! Even though I write about how a situation or life experience should be, and when probed I offer a meager attempt at sharing my opinions, it doesn't necessarily mean that I apply my guidance and follow my own counsel regularly as I know darn-tooting I should. Most people can give advice but rarely do they take their own guidance when faced with problems. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart. Oh I get it - - you thought I was perfect because I write, right? Sure ya did!! Ahem!

Check this out: I continue to strive and ask the Almighty for excellence 24-7, 365 days per year. I've been doing this all my life. Last time I checked, I was still far from perfect, but I continue to "attempt change" nonetheless. If I fall short for a minute, a month or a multitude of years, knowing I continue to struggle for a better "me" every-single-day-of-my-life, well, in my opinion, I’m doing just fine. I still like and love myself. Understand that I am only human and I am who I am offering no apologies. What can I say? Sue me.

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Deserved

When I was faced with the challenge of being the primary parent of “My Two”, I vowed to myself that I would be the best parent ever. I would unselfishly, and unyieldingly, provide for “My Two” whenever I could. I unpretentiously believed I was somehow “protecting” them from all hurt and sorrows that may or may not have accompanied them as a result of having to “go without”. Look. I love my children as most rational thinking parents would. It’s only natural isn’t it? Hence, I would never do anything to intentionally damage their emotional or mental development. (I battle everyday with trying to maintain a healthy emotional existence. And I know full well how difficult it is trying to keep it all together). However, I wanted to protect them as best I thought I could. I thought I was shielding them from the need of having to yearn for anything. Unbeknownst to me then, when a parent allows their child to suffer and go without, the child grows up with an appreciation for the things in life they do have. I also learned as I was in the midst of “protecting”, that when a parent allows their offspring to experience the indirect reward of failure, only then will the child learn the value of, and gratification of success.

I’ve heard people parent sometimes in the same manner as they were raised. If that be the case, well, lock me up right now and throw away that key, because I’m guilty. Thanks to my uncle, once he moved into our house, I grew up being allowed to have basically any materialism that I wanted. Any! I didn’t have to experience angst or emotional upset as a result of having to “go without”.

I remember once while riding my brand new 10-speed bike, I mindlessly rode into an area of town called Cabrini Green. Cabrini Green was labeled one of the many tougher sides of the South Side of Chicago. I ended up in Cabrini because I went to visit a friend of mine and ran upstairs into her apartment leaving my new bike resting against the wall in the back of her building. Now every child grows up hearing how you should never leave your bike outside unattended. Especially in rough neighborhoods. But I figured the bike was in the back of her house, no one was around, and besides, I was only gonna be in her spot for a quick sec. Well, you know what happened while I was upstairs right? When I came back outside, my brand new bike was ghost!

Upon realizing my ride was history, I moseyed to the nearest bus stop to await a bus that would bring me home. I already told you that my Uncle was the primary source for pocket change for my sister and I, so when he came home from work I approached him, eyes drenched in tears, and recounted to him what happened earlier that day. He immediately told me not to worry and that he’d buy me another one. Well true to his word when I came home from school the very next day, the twin version of my spanking new bike was in front of my eyes!

Hey, I have no doubt that my uncle loved me and believed he was doing the right thing by immediately replacing the bike that I irresponsibly allowed to get stolen. But in all actuality what he was really doing was teaching me how to disregard my belongings and how not appreciate what possessions I had. Hence, to a certain point, I grew up viewing my sweet uncle as a mere pushover. I knew all I had to do to get what I wanted from him was show tears and exhibit sorrow. It worked every time. That is until I grew tired of playing him and found profound interest in other teenage distractions to occupy my time. (Believe it folks- all children take advantage of our generosity at one time or another and I was no different.) Like I said, I’ve heard people parent as they were parented when they were growing up. So I subconsciously began to raise “My Two” regarding material possessions in the very same way. I didn’t realize until too late the repercussions of my actions. Hence, most things my children wanted, things they wanted to do, I willingly provided. For the longest time, it was just me and “My Two”. The three of us were so very close back then that I boastfully described the three of us as “The Nucleus”. All I ever wanted was to leave a memory so lasting, and impenetrable in the minds of “My Two” that the mere thought of me would encourage their hearts go pitter-patter. Regardless how old they were when thoughts of me surfaced. I wanted them to love-me-to-death! I thought my “giving” actions would encourage them to love me more than they’d ever love anyone in the world. Boy was I wrong.

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